Sometimes you just wonder.
Sometimes you keep wondering.
Its not the act that makes you wonder.Maybe the situation. Maybe its your luck that does wonders. But whats the best part?
Well even if u know u did what u had to do and you did it sincerely but u were let down big time, you still keep wondering what went wrong.
Its easy to keep wondering. But the most difficult part is when you stop doing it. When you realize that you were THAT close to where you should have belonged. When you know that you missed it by a whisker.


THEN my dear friend....It starts to hurt....and it hurts BIGtime.

Am I who?

It was a Sunday evening. Breezy with a scent of sarcasm. Tuesday was the starting of my sems and it was pathetic. Not life. But the situation.
Deep down that day was a special one. Special for only one reason. I was waiting for death. Death of my pet..someone I adored and loved with all my heart. He was coughing violently. I just glanced.
I did nothing.
It was hard. Watching someone die. Five years back I watched my grandpa die in his usual reclining chair. I was with him. He was panting. Within minutes, it was over.

All over.

I did not shed a tear that day. My relatives were surprised since I was the closest to him. Physically and most importantly, mentally. He taught me to play chess, a game which gave me endless situations of grief, joy and breakthrough. He spent most of his time with me. Playing, pulling my leg, laughing and most importantly enjoying the time.

I did not glance at him twice.

I was sad. But it wasn’t coming. My whole family had tears in their eyes. I actually went to gave my “Ideas and Progress” exam that day in school. The body was at home. I was outside.Later I found out I topped in that subject in the exam. And truthfully I did not have that kind of preparation.And I never topped again.

Big boys don’t cry.

I hate this adage. Self regulatory in nature. I hate that phrase with all my heart. How dare someone just stop things which aren’t supposed to be?
It was the same thing happening again. I kept studying whilst my pet cat lay in his deathbed under my bed. Two hours down, he was dead. A scream I will never forget. I picked him up during his last moments. He mewed to me few times. He stared. Then he left.
I picked him up, drove my bike to the river and floated him away. No remorse, no expression.

Stone cold.

The next moment I was joking with a friend over the phone. A person I never met for more than a decade. Still a facebook friend. Recently a phone-friend.She actually called me up for her..well..condolences. I just passed it over. No condolences for me.

I really don’t know what I am turning into. I was never like this. A happy and jovial young man turning into something else. A guy who would pick up fights with his bestest buddies on silly insults to his family now doesn’t even care about who kicks him or not. At school I was known for that. And now here I am. Too busy….too aggressive to accept anything of such sorts, leave the solutions.

Life has changed me. No not the usual stuff like being extrovert or stuff. More blatant will be emotionless. Emotion of the weaker kind I guess. Its more aggressive now. No nonsense type. Though I still feign to be the joker in those silly networking sites. Yes friends have noticed that. But I am really turning into someone I don’t want to. Someone who doesn't care about the world. Someone who is preoccupied.

And hates loose talk.

Hypocrite. This is the same guy who jokes with some people.
Why?

He himself doenst have the answer.
Yes they have complained about my indifference. The miss the earlier Aveek. They miss those funky days, those silly fights, those oogling of girls and those light moments. They miss my innocence.

And so do I
Or do I?
I don’t know actually. Being so cold hearted, indifferent type definitely have lost me friends. But does anyone care? Most importantly do I care?
Relations are meant to be broken. And they never glue together again. They never should.
I am quite aware of the fact that people change.But its scary when its you who change.And scariest when you are conscious of the fact.
No wonder a friend tagged me with the phrase- Cold rolled steel.

....sigh....

How is the US able to spend so much more than its Income?

Its quite amazing as to how the US has a savings rate of -7% (yes negative) and yet it holds the world in almost all matters.It is true that it is funded. How? Now thats the big question!I did quite a bit of research and here are the few reasons which I managed to find-->

1. USD as a Global Reserve Currency:

The US has a spectacular credit rating which has enabled the dollar to become the globel reserve currency, meaning that the probability of the US Govt defaulting on its loans is very low which in turn means US Dollar will be a very strong and stable currency. Every country has to hold reserves of some foreign currency/gold in order to save itself from potential political/financial crises. Hence most of rest of the world holds US dollars. Holding US dollar in terms of currency notes don’t give any returns, so they are used to buy US Treasury bonds. The bondholder has actually lent money to the US Govt.

2. Global Trade:

Most of the commodities (Oil, Gold, Silver etc.) are traded on USD globally. This means buyers and sellers of these commodities have to hold dollars. Hence there is a constant demand for dollars across the globe. Oil plays a very important role here since it is the backbone of every single economy in this world. Whichever currency in which Oil is traded, rules the world. There are theories which suggest that the reason behind Iraq attacks is that Saddam Hussein wanted to sell Oil in Euros which threatened the dollar dominance in the world. Same reason for potential attacks on Iran.

3. Artificially low interest rates:

Since the begining of the 21st century, the US has seen a period of artificially low interest rates. This was done initially to save the US Economy from the 2000-01 recession which was worsened by the 9/11 attacks. The economy made a smart bounceback because of the low interest rates. Consumption is inversely proportional to interest rates. When the interest rates are high, there is an incentive to save and when the interest rates are low, there is an incentive to borrow and spend. Hence the US consumers kept borrowing which was funded by the rest of the world.

4. Absence of an Institution called Family:

I have borrowed this point from M R Venkatesh, a noted economist from Swadeshi Jagran Manch. He says the prime difference between the saving nature among Indians and Americans is that the family culture in India is a huge deterrent to reckless spending. It is very common to see that Indians start accumulating wealth after marriage. This, he says is absent in America. The presence of Social Security and Healthcare benefits further redice incentive to save.

5. The strong consuming nature of the US:

The US is a very strong consumer in the international market. They import much more than they export, which is evident from their trade deficit year after year. The US pays dollars to exporters (Say China, Japan, Thailand, Korea, India etc.). These countries do not convert these dollars to their own currencies. Instead they are used to boost the forex reserves of the country. This in turn increases US debt.

6. Emergence of South Asia as a cheap manufacturing hub:

South asia’s emergence as a cheap manufacturing hub shifted US industries from manufacturing to services. This increased their imports massively as there was no incentive to produce the goods inland when they could be imported for a fraction of the cost. This is actually a result of the strong dollar and weak south asian currencies since weak currencies make exporting very easy.

All the points listed above are strongly inter-related and you could find a lot of cause-effect relationships. They could not have individually led to the present situation but collectively they have.

The climb....

Miley Cyrus.

Aah...a not so bautiful girl with a oh so beautiful voice.
Love her....especially this song....really liked it.

Guess its inspiring.
Do read on....


I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

"At" some time....

Its been an agonizing month till now. So much planning and so little execution. It feels bad. Really bad. Never knew I could be so frustated. May be I am like that.
Till now, no good news. Seems like eternity from the last one(did it ever happen?).Good question....isn't it?
Perhaps I am trying too hard. One friend even mentioned that casually. I couldnt pick it up.
Rather I ddnt.

Felt nice after watching Jab We Met(this I guess was my 16th time). I dont know why but I liked it. Mindless film. Yet enjoyable.

Foolish.

Period?

I guess so.
On the other hand,why do I guess so much?

Its 5o' clock in the morning now. Maybe I am a tad little too tired. These days nothing seems right. Yet everything is!....my problem?.....is yet to come.

Want to work very hard.

Very very hard.

Hah!!....I laugh....I laugh out loud!

Nothing like solving puzzles at 3o'clock in the morning with a hot cuppa(?..:D...it was just a cup of tea).
Yet just 180 degrees behind my eyes, I feel tensed.

Anxious would( or should?) be the word....the assignment isnt over yet.

Assignment.

Good memory. You can really insult people well. Thrice down and still going

SHOULDNT I go?

I am mad.
Yes....I am not insane...I am mad.

Check up that dictionary for the difference...and you will only find the summation!

Pleasure.

You big bully....SHOOOO!

No wait!...I forgot to mention one thing....

Dont look behind.

I am slow....but I will gain.


Look up.....more than 80 degrees....no not there,,a little to the left....no a little right...no a little....another speck....yeah thats.....oh God....not again!

Should I?


SHUT UP!!!!!!!!



P.S.- Not for the faint hearted I must say.
Intended intentional warning....BEWARE.